i sat on the stoop
outside our apartment,
contemplating my life, my failures,
my relentless desire to fall asleep forever,
watching cars with “love 2019”
written on their back windows,
women walking their dogs
& their husbands,
chin resting on my hand,
as wind brushed my hair against my face
& i saw a bug on its back,
helpless,
struggling to turn over
with its thin arms & legs
like windmills,
desperately trying to roll over,
& another bug froze,
i thought it was looking at me -
i was ready to squish it -
instead, it snatched another creepy crawler
& began to drag it into the grass.
We expect life to be kind to us,
we think we deserve a break from nature,
i look around the cement,
dead bugs surrounding me,
the beetle still windmilling its arms & legs,
roasting in the sun
i didn’t help it,
i watched it struggle.
i wanted to see what others did
when they struggled & no one helped
& then it finally gave up,
its limbs still,
its body glistening in the sun.
not everyone survives.
