Do I want that as much as I thought I did?

I was rereading Amy Charity’s book, “The Wrong Side of Uncomfortable,” and it dawned on me that maybe I don’t want to become a professional cyclist. Maybe that truly isn’t my dream. Paired with Adam, a friend who offered to review my training plan and offer me critiques, when he asked me, “But is it your dream? What you truly want?”

It stopped me. I paused. Was becoming a pro cyclist something I truly wanted? What the fuck did I honestly want for myself?

I didn’t know the answer. I blabbered a little, afraid to show any vulnerability:

Ugh. I’ve been doing (or at least trying) a lot of soul searching to determine what I truly want and I honestly don’t know anymore. I’ve been struggling this year especially with turning 30 and feeling like I haven’t accomplished much.

I think most of us fall in love with the idea. At least that’s what I did.

The fantasy of getting a new bike every year with a designated mechanic, masseuse, nutritionist, coach, cycling kits, gear, and the ability to travel the world and race my bike.

It sounds glorious.

I’m still riding the Liv Advanced Pro I bought four years ago and I’ve been taking it to pedal of Littleton for the past couple of years for upkeep where it disappears into the back for…